tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8028607259735637511.post1184853701362518670..comments2011-04-21T21:24:27.352+01:00Comments on wordvoodoo: Athazagoraphobiaenglishguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15025638700691896951noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8028607259735637511.post-5201350897059468082010-11-29T13:30:49.276+00:002010-11-29T13:30:49.276+00:00oh meant to compliment you on the title
struggli...oh meant to compliment you on the title <br /><br />struggling to define it which is great! it's that gap which is so important for imagery and keeps work alive for reader and writer<br /><br />mmichaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263817205551688443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8028607259735637511.post-14224336672210459292010-11-29T13:20:49.939+00:002010-11-29T13:20:49.939+00:00Hi lookingforneverland,
I can relate! I've de...Hi lookingforneverland,<br /><br />I can relate! I've deleted probably three times as much as has survived in some form. It's a mood, confidence thing which - I imagine - all writers go through. You might try and start with good old pen and paper - just write and keep writing, leave it overnight and I'm sure you will find some great lines among "the ruins" which will inspire whole pieces.<br /> <br /><br />You have a genuine talent for rhythm:<br /><br />"I scream and I gasp and I choke and I tug and I tear, but no one notices."<br /><br />Much better job varying the beginnings of sentences. Improvement is the key.<br /><br />The line above is so strong that I found the last two sentences of the paragraph unnecessary. Try and step back from directly stating the emotions. The reader will feel them him or herself if the images are strong enough. <br /><br />Your images could be a bit fresher, but moving on to poetry will help with that. Maybe look around, pick a random object like the mess of cd's on my desk are likeā¦. Have some fun with it.<br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />michaelmichaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263817205551688443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8028607259735637511.post-74328521066726492452010-11-26T15:56:19.302+00:002010-11-26T15:56:19.302+00:00Hello Frances,
Thank you for your feed back! I'...Hello Frances,<br />Thank you for your feed back! I'll try to be more in depth with the background of character, but for some of my previous tasks I was told that I talked about the character too much. I definitely need to work on descriptions more. <br />Thank you!lookingforneverlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03519255650908589814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8028607259735637511.post-29311531535551948772010-11-25T21:57:51.037+00:002010-11-25T21:57:51.037+00:00Hello Lookingforneverland,
Don't worry too mu...Hello Lookingforneverland,<br /><br />Don't worry too much about having a hard time with this task, the important thing is that you tried and you've completed the task. We don't expect perfect pieces every time, Word Voodoo is all about learning and experimenting.<br /><br />An area that could be developed here would be the character. We don't really know anything about him/her, the reason behind their unhappiness and desperation, the life that they are coming from, or the life that they strain for.<br /><br />You do have some really nice lines in here. My favourite being 'I look at the children playing and I can't feel my skin.'<br />I also really enjoyed 'The trees still loose leaves in Autumn and it still snows in Winter' because it shows the passing of time, as well as illustrating the depression on your protagonist.<br /><br />Whilst the paragraph at the beginning and the ending aren't the set ones, you have completed the task with sentences that are the same, so I hope that I'm not out of line by saying that this is more important.<br />I will say, however, that it is important to persevere when tasks get tough, because this is how we progress as writers.<br /><br />I hope that you enjoy the next task more,<br />FrancesFranceshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01351181060140740366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8028607259735637511.post-32181673754401804522010-11-23T19:26:47.398+00:002010-11-23T19:26:47.398+00:00I struggled with this task for hours and I couldn&...I struggled with this task for hours and I couldn't find anything. I started typing then deleted everything about 7 times before I wrote this piece. My story is quite dramatic, but I'm used to writing like that and it's too difficult for me to write stories with dragons or fictional things like that. I know the start & finish aren't the same as what we were supposed to use but I didn't know what to do with it. I'm sorry about that. I know this is a weak piece, but I really tried my best.lookingforneverlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03519255650908589814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8028607259735637511.post-80251682303520049402010-11-23T19:22:54.319+00:002010-11-23T19:22:54.319+00:00This comment has been removed by the author.lookingforneverlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03519255650908589814noreply@blogger.com