Monday, 24 January 2011


It is Large with greatly nerving might,
Trails along and is usually silent,
Strange but gracefully beautiful sight,
Strength and power, but never violent.


  1. Hello again,

    As with your last poem, you need to take care to have the correct number of syllables in each line. There should be ten in each, but three of yours only have nine.
    Again, you've got the rhymes no problem, so with a bit more practice and counting I think you'll be able to get the hang of the syllables and stresses.
    It is tough in the beginning, but keep trying and the results will be really rewarding!


  2. hi,

    Oh, so close!

    "IT'S large with greatly nerving might." What a line! "greatly nerving might" is an unforgettable phrase.

    Violent and silent are good half-rhymes. And the image of the elephant moving silently after the tension built up in that amazing first line captures the animals power perfectly.

    Please work hard on perfecting the rhythm of each exercise.. Imagine if the lines had the same beat as the elephant's steps! I've never heard an elephant ... would it be iambic? )

    Despite the technical flaws a very promising poem.



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