Hi,Well done with the rhymes in this piece. It shows that you do know how to use them. I like the images here, and the fact that you use colour to bring those out. Also the use of 'you' - the 2nd person - is great to see in a poem. Poems often get very internal, so even if the poets talking about something else you can only really hear them talking about themselves. Having this address the reader is cool. The rythm does need to be looked into, so ask for help with that if you're having trouble hearing it, and try to read more examples of it if you can. Remember your line that worked in the last poem and focus on hearing that sound, and counting the beats to make sure they fit. Good choice with Parrot by the way :) Try not to get frustrated with the rules of poetry - it's really satisfying when it does start to make sense. Take care,Andy
Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.