Sunday, 13 February 2011


Why did I leave behind my only home?

I left without thinking about those few,

Those few who made my hidden feelings roam,

Unique, unforgettable friends, so true

I left everything in the background,

Never looking at the bigger picture,

Innumerable tears were shed and bound,

Slowly falling, trickling, permanent fixtures.


  1. Hello,

    I found your poem full of emotion this week, wonderful. Regret is such a strong emotion that eats away at people and your poem really begins to capture it.

    You've made strides in the structure of your poem too, which is great. Although, I always seem to get 11 on the last line. Should I be pronouncing it more like "perm'nent"? You might remember from the last task where I suggested "hist'ry". This technique can apply here too, and the readers will explicitly know what you are saying to them.

    To take your work to the next level, some of lines will need tweaking in regards to the iambic pentametre. Some are spot on which is really great, but others don't quite fit which interrupts the flow of your work.
    The first line works well: why DID i LEAVE beHIND my ONly HOME. I like the assonance of 'only' and 'home', this is one of the great quirks of iambs. The seventh line also fits, and it's super to see that you have the confidence to try using longer words.
    However, on a couple of the lines, the sixth and eighth, for example, you have started the lines with a stress, rather than a non-stress, meaning that when you read the poem as a whole, two stresses are next to each other and this jars a little. An example is: SHED and BOUND/SLOWly FALLing.
    Instead you could try 'SHED and BOUND/they SLOWly FALL'. Little edits like this can make a lot of difference in the reading experience.

    I'm excited to read your sonnet next week, you're progressing really well.


  2. Hi wordsmith,

    The first line i superb because you creatively use iambs. By emphasizing
    "did" instead of "Why" the tone instantly is one of regret not a sorrowful plea. Superb. I echo Frances comment that "innumerable" in line 7 shows an advanced ability with this rhythm.

    That's why it is frustrating that so many lines are not iambic, primarily because of awkward, misplaced stresses. If you're following all of the advice, then there really isn't an excuse (because of the talent you do demonstrate) for these lapses.

    That said, the image of the tears as shed and bound is powerful and lively. It perfectly fit's the theme of physical leaving which the emotions cannot shed. And thus, regret.

    Please focus on mastering the crucial early techniques (the ones to come are more challenging!). While these exercises may feel like (and, at first, may actually make it more difficult) to express your poetic voice, eventually your power will grow exponentially.



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