Thursday, 17 March 2011

Where is the love?

This strange feeling, it takes you by surprise,

Its unknown, is it cloudy or clear?

Will we know what it is when it starts to rise?

Is love what you see or what you hear?

Is it soul mates designed from first sight?

Or are we in love several times?

We search for it and sometimes we have to fight,

And when it’s lost? Where do we find the signs?

Is love a puzzle, is love a maze?

When all is done and gone, love will remain,

Will we feel it around through every phase?

It’s there through the grief, despair and pain,

What do we look for when it’s not known?

Do we have to search for it alone?


  1. Hello,

    Unfortunately you're still struggling with the iambic pentametre here. Some lines don't have ten syllables, which is super important for a sonnet and the first step before getting the stresses in the right place too.
    You've done very well with the rhyme scheme again, this is something that you've consistently done well with in the last couple of tasks. My suggestion is to play you're strengths, and push the boundaries a little. I'll use lines six and seven as an example. The sixth has nine syllables, and the seventh has eleven. You could put the first syllable, "we", on the end of the sixth line, then you would have ten syllables on each line. Of course, then the rhyme on line eight would have to change to rhyme with "we", but seeing as you have no problem with creating rhyme schemes, I feel like this would be a fair pay off. With a little more work, you could have a workable sonnet here, plus an extra point for some enjambement.

    Content wise, I like that you've strayed from the typical 'love is wonderful' theme of sonnets, but perhaps I would have connected more with your poem if you had concentrated a bit more on several of your points rather than spreading yourself quite thinly. Maybe you could have described the puzzle or maze in some of the following lines, and used some really descriptive imagery to illustrate the cloudy or clear feelings introduced in the first line.

    I urge you to keep trying, I know that sonnets are really tough to crack but once you get them, they are so rewarding!
    Good luck with the next task,

  2. hi,

    My favorite lines are the final couplet - and so close to the correct form!

    How about

    What do we have to look for when unknown
    And do we have to look for it alone?"

    Note that the exclusion "it" or "it's" might be a bit confusing at first,
    but the reader knows the subject of the poem. Poetry is most powerful when there are gaps the reader has to work at and think about. Don't worry about making everything perfectly clear.

    Your intriguing philosophical question could be the subject of the entire sonnet. The lonesome (or does it have to be?) quest not to be alone....

    I agree with Frances that you need to concentrate on smaller aspects of this large subject. As she suggests, the image of the maze (searching, feeling lost, finally "seeing the light" - though avoid my cliché!) could be very powerful here.

    I also love the slightly odd (in a good way?) word "designed." Always try and make every word and line as new as possible. You are clearly improving with each assignment. Keep up the hard work.



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