A powerful country, known for history,
From shamrocks to druids, full of mystery,
Gold-hungry and sly leprechauns,
The derbies at the crack of dawn,
Fiddles constantly strung,
Legends constantly sung,
Dear old Ireland,
Full of highlands,
Mystique,
Unique.
Notice that while to some, history may contain three sylablles, in my case, it contains two. Hist-ory, (pronounced 'histry')
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteThis is a good first effort, each line has the correct number of syllables and rhyme schemes. The images you have chosen fit the theme of your country, and you make the rhymes work for you, not the other way around, super. I can feel the strong connection, and you do a good job of painting a picture for the reader, it's very descriptive.
However, sometimes the stresses don't quite fit with the natural rhythm of the words. An example is 'Fiddles'. If you say the word out loud, the emphasis is on the first syllable, like FIDD-les. However, the stress should be on the second, and this has tended to happen in the later half of your poem which affects readability a bit.
Also, a tip you might like for 'history' and 'mystery' (which I pronounced with two syllables because of my dialect anyway), is to use an apostrophe and cut out the letters that you don't want. For example, history could become hist'ry and the possibility of a reader pronouncing it in an unintended way is removed.
A great start, and I look forward to reading your sonnet next week.
Frances
Hi The Wordsmith,
ReplyDeleteA huge thanks to Frances for pointing out the metrical errors. I try and post earlier on the sonnet to take on that task. However, with her excellent advice (definitely read out loud tap fingers etc.) and your hard work, I'm sure you'll be able to significantly cut down on the errors. Just to add that hist'ry and myst'ry would also have the emphasis on the first syllable.
I'm also not sure most of the images you have chosen are very original. Shamrocks and leprechauns, hmm.
"The derbies at the crack of dawn" is excellent, though. The sound/double meaning of crack captures both the start of the race the freshness of the dawn. The hopes of all. Top stuff!
The poem ends well, perfect meter and sound recalling the early druid references. As your second poem shows, you are capable of outstanding imagery. Just think you could have found some fresher images in this poem.
michael
well, micheal, what i intended was for people to have a vivid image of ireland, and therefore i stcuk with the classical images of the country instead of trying to make up new ones... just as means of explanation
ReplyDelete