Sunday, 20 February 2011


You came and healed the hole I had inside
You told me I would be alright
I can not count the times I'd cried
Before you saved me with your shining light
You gave me hope and made me strong
You helped me fly so high above
You made me sing a whole new song
And all because of all your love


  1. Firstly, I must say a very, very big WELL DONE! This poem is perfectly iambic! You should be really proud of yourself. I can see that you've worked hard on your poetic meter, and it has really paid off. You're a star!

    Mr. S asked for iambic pentameter. "Pent" means five, and so "iambic pentameter" means five iambs per line; in other words, each line should consist of ten syllables. You only have two ten syllable lines (can you tell me which ones?) and six eight syllable ones, but I'm guessing this was due to a misunderstanding of the task rather than an inability to count syllables, as you really seem to be on top of the technical aspects of poetry now! Oh... And suffice to say, this poem rhymes perfectly, too!

    This is a metrically spot-in, emotive, affecting work. I've said it before, but - you should be really proud of yourself :)

  2. Thank you :)
    I think I missed the part in the instructions where it said an iambic pentameter. Sorry about that. But besides that, I actually tried really hard to get everything right during this task. I'll pay more attention next time to the instrucitons :)
    Thank you again :)

  3. Hi,

    It's great to read your stuff again. Well done on getting the iambs down. You've really taken on board everything from last time, and the rhythm here is great. You should be very proud.

    Coming in late means I can see the Sarah's set you straight on the point of pentameter, and that you just missed that part, so I won't reiterate. I will point out a couple of line where you got the pentameter spot on anyway for future reference, so have these lines in your head when you do the sonnet:

    You came and healed the hole I had inside

    Before you saved me with your shining light

    Well done with those. It's a sweet take on the theme of emotion too. There's real feeling to it, and that's not an easy thing to do whilst thinking of rhythms as well.

    I should also say that you seem to have natrually leaned towards eight syllable lines, and that you mostly kept that consistent, so even though you didn't read the rules for that part you're showing that you do have an instinct for what sounds right with poetry. Stick with it, and I'm sure the next piece will be even better.

    Take care,



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